Carmen
by we'reallfreaks
Summary: MorGwen Au Modern. Based on the song Carmen by Lana Del Rey. Guinevere gets up rooted from the very life she has known her sixteen years of existance and thrown in the the very depths of the teenage pool of angst. Especially when she meet's her very own Carmen in the form of Morgana Le Fey. (Rating M because in future there will be swearing, implied incest, sexual scenes, etc.)
1. Prologue

**The boys… the girls, they all like Carmen. She gives them butterflies, bats her cartoon eyes. She laughs like God, her minds like a diamond. Auto tune lies, she's still shining.** ~ Lana Del Rey , _Carmen_

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_Chapter one~ Prologue of some sort._

People always say they remember the day they fell in love, the very second they fell in love. If you don't they will scoff and say it's not true love. I remember the very moment I meet her, but I don't remember falling in love with her. I guess you could say it's not true love, but the drummer who plays that Dubstep fast beat in my heart would beg it different. But I mean, you can argue what you want it felt real. I mean you could go all philosophical and question to what it means to be real. But I'm not going to bother you with all that, it doesn't seem worth it really. Life is so fleeting, moments are so fleeting. The funny thing is I never one used to think about this, think like this. I used to be 'normal' I guess. Small town folk, from an average family. (Once again, I'm not going to question the meaning of such.) But then I meet her. I suppose in Lana Del Rey's words she was my Carmen. This person that the world seemed to love, even though there was this odd darkness that surrounded her. But that wasn't what you would notice when looking at her. You wouldn't notice such, you would not notice the dead look in her eyes. Because you would be to busy listening to the joke falling from those ruby coloured lips, that would enthral all. I know it seems stupid to fall for someone and allow that person to define you, but it was more than that she changed me. Made me realise the uncertainly of life, how we should all make the most of it all. No, I don't mean in the Y.O.L.O sense where some one is living their life by not wearing a bra, or where they drink their selves in to oblivion. I am talking something deeper than that. Where you learn that life can be snatched from you in moments and you should treasure and love each one.  
Love is one of those moments, a moment that you never know it's coming, but when it does it should be treasure and loved. To quote John Green "I fell in love the way you fall asleep: Slowly, and then all at once." I know I said I did not remember the moment, I don't. I feel for my Carmen second by slowly painful second. Then all so quickly. But there was never one definitely moment, I remember when I realised. But that's different.  
This is the story of how I fell in love, how I feel for my Carmen. The woman who seemed all so perfect, sickeningly perfect. But also a woman, a girl really who was also deeply full of darkness, it eat at her like a disease for years. Till it eventually claimed her. Much like the way you fall in love, It eat at her slowly, then dissolved the rest of her.

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I started off so very normal, like ever other hopeless romantic in the books you read. I know how silly this all sounds. I'm not that ignorant. But it's the truth. I grew up in a small town in Kent, an estate. A council estate. My dad had been a black smith, but you know with the fact it was the twentieth that eventually came to an end. So he started in construction, till he got to ill to work anymore. So we had to move from our nice little suburban home, to the terror of the inner city houses which resembled hands pulling from the soil and reclaiming their space in the sky, like the volcanoes of old. The buildings clawed their way up to the very top of the sky's. The very epitome of a concert jungle. Flats dominated the skies, as in the distance you could see the glamour of the city of London. You could see the very tantalizing gleam of success just out of reach. (I won't go in to the many metaphors that stem from that image.) I remember once She referred to it as a photographers wet dream. My brother Eylan ran off with a girl he got pregnant when they were both sixteen, leaving father and me to fend for ourselves. My mother died young. I still fear to ask my dad how, they were close. My parents I mean. Each others first love. So I can not force myself to break his heart once more just from the words that would flow from his lips.  
So we moved to the dim after burn of this council estate. The flats were old, an after burn of the war, too many people too little room so they rose this concrete cages to hold them all. It was not a bad place to live is suppose, it had a certain charm… I suppose and I was with my family. I guess that in itself is a treasure. The next day I found out the school I was to be going, after all my sixteen year old self was hardly likely to get a decent job. So college was the better option. My Nan. (It was always Nan, never grandmother, or nanny. Always nan.) Thought I was merely avoiding adulthood, I suppose in a way I was, but after having to care for my father full time since I was fourteen it felt nice to be able to settle down and make real friends. I hoped at least to make a few. But I was hardly the most popular person I knew, with my mousy brown hair, dark skin, dull eyes and gangly body I was hardly a looker, I mean, I personally didn't mind. But most are not like me, not that I expect them to me mind you. But I hoped I could make one friend. One something. But when you have a love of books and a vast history addiction that option dwindles a little. I liked the legends of old you know. It all started as I read 'Mist's of Avalon.' The idea of these people thrilled me. The gave my boring mundane life meaning, as if I was part of their world. That is the joy of reading is it not? To get away from the life you lead and living the life of someone else.  
But the college was basically my only hope for company that was not my father. So it would have to do. I mean, it was not like I did not enjoy his company, I did! But It was stifling to be around someone thirty years older thank yourself all the time. And he was a man. It would be nice to have some company, who did not refer to my period as having the painters in. Although charming, my father could not understand me sometimes. I loved, love, the man, but I need some female company.  
So college was my hope for such. It was a large college, by college standards. Also by my standards. My old school only had five hundred people in total. This college had four thousand. By comparison that is rather daunting. All things considering. This was my last fleeting thought as I succumbed to the sleep that had been calling for the past two days ad the exhaustion of my muscles due to the burden of moving. I allowed myself to submit to this word of painless unconsciousness.

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**I do not own Merlin. **

**So what do you think? Please review, I'd like to know whether to continue or not... But thank you for even reading this. **


	2. First day, first impression's

Chapter two~

It stood half way down a hill. Which doesn't sound like a lot, but there is a reason the place is named after a hill. After finally arriving at the gates I found myself utterly exhausted from it all ready. I had to huff and puff in to the warm temperate September sky to finally gain some form of control of my lungs that felt they were about to collapse from the utter force of the air I was drawing in with deep and very, very uneven breathes. I looked as the others passed, they seemed to be unaffected my the mini mountain that stood between me and the college. Never mind the hour bus drive that was also added to the journey. My body felt heavy. My breath had never felt so treasured to me in those moments. I finally gained some form of composure and looked around me. I noticed a lot of people seemed to be inhaling the bitter sticks of chemicals that make up cigarettes. The habit had never appealed to me, ever. I thought the very idea gross, why kill of my lungs with something so trivial? It felt pointless to me to do so. With a flash of header lined papers I was gained access to the fenced off grey building that would be the home to my social interactions for the next two years as I did my A-levels. The college I would come to learn was a home to the many misfits of society. From ever back ground imaginable. From Bonnie Le Banco, a girl who I would come to loath, a giggly girl who liked boy bands that were younger than herself. She was only eighteen mind you. But she was a giggly blonde, who made her way through life wrapped in her urban outfitters uniform. Then there were people with backgrounds like Merlin, a boy who I would find was much like myself. He grew up in the concrete cage opposite my own, he was to be my best friend. But it was truly a home of the misfits. Where all who went there lacked something, this I would learn.

With a few words I was shown student services, where they shoved a folder full of papers at me and bid me goodbye with but a wave of a hand. I waddled of to the nearest table dumping my arm's worth of paper on the circular metal disk that made up a table. Huffing as I forced the paper worth in my canvas bag. My first lesson was to be history, that itself would be a comfort. Little did I know that would be where I meet my first read friend. Merlin, who was to be as much a history buff as myself. Pulling my bag with such force the metal disk they called a table shock with the impact, but I could not find it in myself to care, I was already half an hour late to my first lesson. I was not one for first impressions, I had this habit of making the worst of them, I would end up rambling and having my tongue tie itself in knots with each word that fell from my socially awkward mouth, overall I just do not make good first impressions. This became very, very clear as I walked in to my first class. (When I say walk, I mean stumble and then fall flat on my face. Imagine that for a first impression.) The blurted out my name in a fit of shame, my voice like a nervous prepubescent boys as I squawked out the word Genevieve. (A name I haven't used in three years.) The quickly rambling out a mess that some what resembled the words. "Well not that. Not that that isn't my name, it is! But um… Gwen." To which my bald egg of a teacher waves somewhere to the back. Either he is trying to direct me to the back of the class, or I have embarrassed myself that he wanted me to leave. I went this the first option.

This was to be the very desk I meet my first friend. This was not to be one of those single serving friends. (A term coined from 'Fight club.') He was to be a friend for the rest of my life, well so I hope. I have not reached the end of my story yet, although truly I doubt in most places this is my story.

But I remember he looked at the with an amused half smile, before moving his massager bag from the chair I had been meant to sit on. "Sorry, I didn't think anyone would sit here." He half smiled, half frowned. It was odd to see two such juxtaposing features on his face. They did not seem to be a war with the other, one fighting for the ultimate dominance over the other, the two features seemed at an odd peace. "Oh! Why no?" I found the words falling from my lips before I had even fallen in to my seat. "Unless, that's rather a rude thing to ask. Or you know personal." I found myself yelling the words stop moments later. To my surprise instead of the crazed look I seem to normally attract he only laughed.

"Calm it." He spoke his half grin seeming to win the non-existence war. "My friends thought history was for 'egg heads.'" He spoke rolling his eyes. I could not tell if he was joking or being serious. Soon I would end up being the ultimate translator of Merlin speak, well next to Morgana. Morgana is the other main character to this story, my Carmen if you will. But we will get to my humiliating first moments with her later.

But I merely gave a smile.

"Gwen, I like it. Like the legend, right?" He spoke moments later. Smile still on his face. I nodded, not wanting to ruin the interest he seemed to hold. "Well in that case, you'll fit right in." I would not realise how important these words were till later.

It wouldn't be until later I would understand his words. But the thing is I would always question whether I really fit in. With two of them the way they were I would never be sure and with Morgana you can never be sure about anything. But more of that later.

Merlin would be the one I always fit in with. Even if he wasn't the one I ended up falling for. Because he was like me. But you'll learn more about that later.

The class dragged on at a snails pace, It was a lesson where you are taught the names of the people around you not those whom the class should be about. I was force fed names I would never remember at lightning speed as each person was forced to submit a fact about themselves, one of those meet and greets almost. Teacher always do that on the first day, as if you won't forget their names five seconds later. Ignore the attitude, I get like that sometimes.

"What do you have next?" Merlin finally called out to me as I pushed my notepad back in to my unforgiving bag. "Psychology." I mumble as I frown pushing the scribbled white rectangle of my words in to the off white bag. "Ah, I have a break. I shall walk with you my lady." He grinned at me, a look that caused a rose tint to rise up on my cheeks. It never happened, guys never hit on me. I was this awkward girl who stood at the back of the room alone, a person looking from the out side in. Watching others. I was never the one there.

"You really don't have to do that." I blush prettily, but I felt guilty stealing him away from his own time. "It's fine, I'm meeting a friend anyway, the have psychology too." I nod feeling slightly better now that I wasn't just stealing him.

We stood awkwardly at the top of a pair of stairs. I'd watch the flickering faces of the guess who board that was this school. I was trying to work out the identity of the person Merlin was meeting. I expected some dorky looking advantage person, a guy at least. I stood looking down the stairs peering slightly awaiting the jeans and plaid wearing boy with glasses I expected. What I was meet with surprised me. "Merlin!" I heard the word before I saw a face. It was female, a fact I begrudgingly admit I was surprised by. The word was sweet, loud but not shouted. The voice was powerful with out being harsh, it commanded attention with out forcing it. The girl had to be Irish as the word was said with a sweet tang that only came from such an accent. After a gaggled of giggling girls that I would later find out to be Bonnie's friends passed, well cleared like the red sea to be honest, I was stunned by what I saw. A frankly gorgeous girl. All ivory skin which should look unhealthy, but it only looked other worldly as if such a Goddess should not be in such a dire place. Her hair was a mess of black inky waves that fell down her back in the form of a pony tail. Inky waves a sharp but not unattractive contrast to the unearthly glow of her skin. Her eyes were emerald, they seemed to glow vividly as if they were jewels themselves imbedded in her skull, like some Damien Hurst artwork. She smiled, a sigh which made something deep twitch. Red lips curved in delight as she approached. Slim arms hung quickly around an embarrassed looking Merlin. "Morning, Merlin. The prat is downstairs yelling at some idiot who seemed to have scratched his car." Emerald eyes rolled around their dark Kohl frames. As low amused words feel from those ruby lips. "It seems little Bo peeps brother just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, speaking off…" Her eyes glanced round seemingly seeking out someone. "Ah speaking of I spy her little sheep over there." She spoke lowing her tone, her voice barely auditable. Her eyes settled on the giggling gaggle of blondes. All of who seemed to be sneaking glances at her. She smiled softly at tem before turning back to Merlin who was visibly trying not to laugh. Her expression was that of some one who looked like they had just lost a limb, as if such an exchange was painful to her.

"Aw what's wrong 'Gana, is being nice killing you?" Merlin teased his grin covering up most of his face at this point. The girl merely tossed her head back laughing lightly. Her laugh was a low tumbling chuckle, it was endearing to say the least. She put her hand on her chest, then she learnt back placing a hand on his shoulder as if for support. "Yes, dear Mer-ly it is simply taking the life from my limbs one smile at a time." As spoke each word more dramatic than the last as she faux swooned.

It was then Merlin finally turned to me in what was the first time in this conversation. "See what I have to put up with on a daily basis. 'Gana you couldn't even be normal for one conversation, huh?" He was clearly teasing if his smile was any indication. "I apologise in advance for this one." He swiped a glance at the black haired beauty. Who frowned and went to slap him on the arm a movement he barely missed.

"And I apologise for my rude-ness and complete lack of manners, allow me to introduce myself. Morgana." As the words trickled from ruby lips a pale lady like hand was produced.

Meeting this girl was like some terrible romantic comedy from the 90's. Nerdy teenagers meets beautiful angel who is at the top of the teenage social hierarchy and slowly over time the two feel in love. Except this was not a love story. (So I told myself, I always was one to lie to myself.) Because I just meet her, I mean, I just haven't… it's not like she's unattractive, I mean she is. But um, we just meet. And this was real life not some stupid little love story in any case.

"Um, Gwen." I said simply hopping to avoid a replay of that fiasco this morning. I had embarrassed myself in front of enough people today. If I could I would avoid adding another name to that list. At that thought I distantly heard a bell sound off. Much like an alarm after a good night sleep it was a drag from the world in my head to the world around me. At this I was Morgana shift. "You have psychology, right?" She asked her eyebrow quirked in question. I simpered out a word that sounded a little like yes and she fell in to step behind me. Walking down a hallway that felt more like something from a prison that what should belong in a school. The wall's were unremarkable an off yellow question. A colour that once would have been bright, like sunshine and ambition. But as the school aged this all seemed to fade in to this miserable colour that was pasted there. Suddenly Morgana stopped and perched against a wall a move that would make anyone else look shift and un poised, but for her it seemed to work. "The room's just there." She pointed vaguely to a green door opposite. She must have picked up my confused glance. "Our teacher Christine is always late." I looked deeper in to the room finding it empty. Well, empty and dark. Apart from the small shutters of light that crept through the gaps in the blinds. Creating strips across the wall that once again made me think of a prison. Maybe my mind was trying to tell me something.

After my little monologue I looked back at Morgana my guide in to this bizarre world of stripped rooms, late teachers and Freud. She appeared to have fallen in to conversation with another boy, who was laughing as carelessly as Merlin had been before. This boy, well man as he appeared to be was golden haired, typical golden boy material. Athletic build all muscles and confidence. It was odd to think Morgana would be friends with such a person, especially after how different he seemed to Merlin. These thoughts were intruded by a small nudge from the girl who had a current starring role in my thoughts as she tipped her head towards a woman. She was elderly in looks, not old. All blonde hair pulled up in to an uncomfortably tight bun. It seemed to pull at her skin keeping it taught, making the small wrinkles and faults in her face appear lessened. She was tall, I blame the stiletto heels she was supporting for such a feat. She rustled us in to the only empty room on this floor, the other occupied long ago. One lesson down only two to go. I thought trying to conjure positive as I stepped in to the overly bright room.


	3. The other's introduction

**Morgana's point of View.**

I wake up the same way I have for four years. I wake up, eyes flickers and frightened for the world that my unconscious mind created each time I lay my head down. It's not always the same dreams mind you. They flickers from some twisted bitter memory, to some world so familiar yet so different. I wake up as my chest heavies as I claw in much needed breath as I try to move my mind from the horror of my nights to the not much better world of my reality. Iknow it sounds pathetic, I should be over this now, I'm sixteen, nearly eighteen years old and yet I still allow my nightmares to have such an effect on me. I hate it, I hate how it makes me feel. My eyes lower to the neon pixels of light that join up to form numbers. I still have four hours until I need to be up. I sigh as if I am losing all hope in myself, I had only fallen asleep three hours ago. My eyes feel heavy as I lay back down, but even with my eyes feeling like steel shutter's I know sleep won't come easy, it never does.

_It never could. _

I wake up once more breathless as I feel reality once more pull at me, affectingly pulling my breath away too. I feel a slippery wet tear roll down ivory cheeks as I bite down on my lip to stop a strangled cry from crawling it's way out of my mouth. This was always the worse kind of dream, not this world I don't remember, but a world I remember far too much. The memories play over mix between the ones I know are real and the ones that feel so, but could not possibly be so. They play over and over like some broke fracture film role that ceases to stop it replaying, it haunts me in sepia tones. A life I wish I did not ever lead and one I don't remember. I lie to myself and say I know when these dreams started, that they were triggered by some trauma and that that is all they are. But I know they are more than this, I have had them since I can really remember, but I only tell myself this in the darkest part of the night where I doubt even I am listening to myself. Other times I say it was four years ago, when I lost them I also lost part of my sanity. But the scary thought is that it was already gone. I banish this thought as I go to stand on unsteady feet.

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I put my head phones in one bud at a time as I try to drown out the trembling husky voices that lie beyond the sanctity of my room. I add the last brush of blusher to my face as if a fine art painter adding the last stroke to there master piece. I shudder slightly as I catch the sight of the silver lines that line my arms like drawn up battle dividers in a war. I tug down the sleeve of my jumper, Arthur and Merlin already know, nobody else needs to. The marks on my arm recall the marks of events in my life, much like the words of a history text book, I remember each of them. The creators of which haunt my mind. Of course the people who caused them don't even know they exist, not that they'd care. I haven't seen any of them for about a year and yet they are still there in my head, living in there, a little holiday home in my head. They haunt occasionally with their presence. The more funny part of me thinks about charging them rent. I wrap a pale ivory hand around the dark soothing chocolate colour of my messenger and I pick up the bag with a grunt. With a brief look in the mirror I put my hand on the door willing myself to push it open. I can't hear them, just mummers of their strong words. I don't hear them, but I don't have to. I already know what their arguing about, me.

I don't need to hear anything more than their raised voices to know that fact. I'm one of the only thing's they do argue about, I'm the only thing Arthur would make such a case for. I can already hear their words in my head. How I am "Not ready to return to a school." Or how "She should be allowed to make her own choices." It is all I have heard over the summer. I would understand if it was the fact Uther wanted to protect me, if he was concerned for me. But that is not why he wishes to hide me. It's a far more superficial reason he wants me at home, a fact both me and Arthur are well aware of.

"Arthur, you ready?" I call out as I duck past the room they are having a shouting match in, as I make for the stairs hoping my foster brother is close behind. I don't want to hear their words, not today. Today I just want to forget and move on.

As I reach the door I feel a small tap on my back, I jump at the contact. But pull up a fake smile as I realize who it was. He mumbles a _sorry, a word I am sick of hearing. All people ever say is sorry and they never mean it. They are never the ones who should be the one apologizing. I nod pulling the buds from my ears as I slam the door behind me. _

"_Arthur, come on. We're going to be late. You can deal with him later." I yell out hopelessly as Arthur pick a fight with John Le Banco. A guy in the year above. Nothing more than just a piece of art really, good looking, but there is little else there. The guy scratched Arthur's car as he got out his car and now Arthur was threatening to start some medieval style fight with the guy over honour, or something like that. Truly? I wasn't listening much. _

_I roll my eyes as I see Arthur deal out the first punch. This was not what I needed this morning. All I craved was normalcy and all I got was chaos. It's like when on Christmas eve you hope and pray for that doll and all you get is some lousy board game and a drunk guardian. Disappointment and annoyance claimed my thoughts as my phone buzzed in the pocket of my jacket. I pull it out and in sync a smile pulls painfully at my cheek's. Merlin, my little ray of sunshine. I quickly type back a reply saying I'll meet him before my first class. He quickly replies he's just leaving his. I jog up step unfamiliar steeps. It's odd how a place can be so different. (I remind myself I'm not in secondary anymore.) But the people never are. (Most of the people have also followed like ghost's here, but these a the friendly move your stuff kind of one's. Not the haunt your memories type.) I wave and smile at the few of them I can actually bare. None of them are really my friends, except Merlin and Arthur. (Although Arthur doesn't really count, he's my foster brother after all. Even with the year in age difference we're still close. Well, as close as brother and sister can be.) _

_My thoughts disappear as I catch a glance of big ears, black hair and sparkling sapphire eyes. Finally some normalcy._

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**_There the first chapter in Morgana's point of view, I thought I'd introduce her a little. Drop a few little hint's about her past and relationships with the other's. Let me know if you'd like to read more in her point of view! And also just let me know if you even like this story!_**


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